Navigating dating and intimacy with a stoma can feel daunting, but as Oakmed Ambassador Ed proves, it doesn’t have to be.
In this honest Q&A, Ed opens up about his experience – how he approached telling his partner, building confidence in relationships, and tackling common misconceptions about sex with a stoma.
We also spoke with his girlfriend, Steph, to get her perspective on what it’s like to date someone with a stoma. Her refreshing and reassuring take proves that when it comes to love – communication and acceptance matter far more than anything else.
Whether you’re newly navigating relationships or looking to boost your confidence, this Q&A is packed with insight, advice, and real-life experiences to show that having a stoma doesn’t hold you back from love, connection, or intimacy…
Q&A with Ed
How did you approach telling your partner about your stoma?
It came up naturally early on while we were messaging and getting to know each other. I told Steph I had Crohn’s and a stoma, and she shared some of her own health struggles. That openness from both sides made it easier, we just understood each other straight away.
Did having a stoma impact your confidence in the early stages of your relationship?
At first, yes! It definitely knocked my confidence a little, but because I’ve had my stoma since before I started dating, it’s always been part of my life. The topic of sex has always involved my stoma, so for me, it’s just normal.
What about intimacy? Did you have any concerns about sex with a stoma?
Not really, because I’ve had my stoma from such a young age, I’ve never known anything different. It’s just part of me, so it’s never been something I’ve worried about.
Do you have any tips for building confidence around intimacy with a stoma?
Talk about it! The more open you are, the easier it is. Let your partner ask questions and be honest with them. If they’re the right person, it won’t be an issue, it’ll just be another part of who you are.
What’s the biggest misconception people have about dating or sex with a stoma?
That it changes things in the bedroom – it doesn’t! Sex is still sex, and you can still explore and enjoy yourself. Having a stoma doesn’t hold you back!
What advice would you give to someone who’s newly navigating dating with a stoma?
Be upfront about it early on, that way, you’ll know if someone is worth your time. Most people are just curious, so let them ask questions and be open about the good and the bad. Confidence is key, and the right person will accept you for who you are.
Supporting your partner with a stoma
We caught up with Ed’s wonderful girlfriend, Steph, to hear her thoughts on dating and intimacy with a stoma. Here’s what she had to say…
“When Ed told me he had a stoma, nothing changed in my eyes – he’s still Ed! I asked questions, took the time to understand, and that was that. It never felt like a big deal, just another part of getting to know him.”
When it comes to intimacy, Steph shared that it never changed anything between them and that it didn’t even require a big conversation. “We were already comfortable with each other, we respect each other, and that’s all that really matters.”
Her biggest takeaway? “Having a stoma doesn’t change the person you love. Good communication is key, but most importantly, it’s about knowing they’re healthy, happy, and able to live their life to the fullest.”
A huge thank you to Ed and Steph for sharing their experience with us! We love hearing real stories from our community and being part of your ostomy journey.
